Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
