before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
