A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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