He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
