Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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