I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
