arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
