I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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