I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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