just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize