i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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