Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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