I'm going to jail i love you
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Found your dick twin last night
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
They are going to name an STD after you.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
