Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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