At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
