There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
A+ Viking dick
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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