At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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