Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
