I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
