Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
