By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i've created a new STD.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
