I'm really into asian looking animals
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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