Barsexuality is the new black.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
pray to the hookup gods
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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