so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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