I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
