he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
