I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
