24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
