The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
