he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
