Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
