Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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