only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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