there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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