Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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