I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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