You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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