My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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