Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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