So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
