guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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