i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize