Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
