He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Randomize
