woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
