Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
