dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
