ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
