wrigley field is MILF paradise
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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