he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
