Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
