Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
