Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There's always time for handjobs
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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