I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize