Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
