If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
