i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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