Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
