I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
