I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
