i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
