I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Sorry about my life...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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