HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
