Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
