yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
