I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize