don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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