dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
