There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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