Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
