Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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