you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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