Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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